So, I am sitting at a stoplight today and I see this girl crossing AGAINST the freaking light-you know-the one with the big red hand telling her NOT to cross. I notice she has on cutoffs, a sparkly tanktop and Uggs-really? It is 93 freaking degrees outside, dumbass, AND she has 4″ of brown newgrowth at the top of her flame red locks-ahh nice look, babe. Then I think, I am such a hag. I have to laugh because I really enjoy being a hag.
All of the above reminds me that my friend, Celeste had a dream that Hell is a lake of fire (Celeste is Catholic-but more on that later.) and she is in a boat rowing trying to keep the flames from burning her up. I laugh and tell her not to worry because I’m pretty sure that I am IN the water but I am a pretty strong swimmer. Anytime we are together and one of us says something snarky we just say, “Stroke, stroke” and then we laugh.
Ok, back to the whole Catholic thing. Don’t get me wrong-some of my favorite people are Catholic-Celeste and my husband Michael are at the top of my list. I get a kick out of it because they were raised to feel guilty about damn near everything. Ironic because some of the most liberal people I know are also Catholic-Kaye Steinmetz retired from the Missouri State Legislature and she is Very Catholic (varying degrees of Catholicism you know..) and also Pro Choice. Smart enough to realize that being Pro Choice doesn’t mean you are Pro Abortion-it means its a personal decision and it is no ones business but your own.
Some of the most hypocritical people I know are also Catholic. My sister in law comes to mind. She had a tubal ligation for “health reasons” Yeah-No shit-that “health reason” being so she didn’t get pregnant again. My Mother in law whispered this fact to me one day while I was doing her nails, “Kim is having her tubes tied, you know, for health reasons” I whooped and laughed so hard I cried. Ok, It’s your lie, go ahead and tell it-I don’t give a shit-but I wanted to whisper back, “God knows, she is full of shit and birth control is a big No-No in your religion” Again, I don’t care-I had my tubes tied when I was 23-I had two children and didn’t want any more and I told the kids Dad, who tried to talk me out of it, that if he wanted more children to feel free to find someone to have them for him. Which he did several years later and then proceeded to roll over on the poor thing in a drunken stupor and smothered her. Jesus H. Christ-he should have been neutered