This post isn’t about “significant other” kind of love. But if you think that’s hard, just hang on to your hats, because the amount of total shit you have to put up with because you love your children beyond distraction is un-fucking real.
I kept telling myself that once we got past graduations, marriage(s) and grandchildren being born that it would all be downhill. The aforementioned graduations, marriage(s) and grandchildren being born all had to do with my having to deal (in my own special hell) with the Exes and their families where I was pretty sure that the Auditorium or Park or Reception Hall wasn’t big enough and it burned my butt that they were breathing my air. So now, several years down the road that should all level out. Right? Oh, NOOOOOOO. Let me introduce you to the biggest pain in the ass on earth. My daughters Mother In Law. If this was the first time this had happened it would be a horse of a different color-but it isn’t, it’s just the latest. And I’m thinking to save my sanity the last time I will allow this to happen.
Several months ago my daughter made plans to go to China/Japan with a group of teachers to learn as much as they could about both countries in 20 days, and asked if I could help out a couple of days with watching the grandbabies. This is never a problem, I just have to put in for some time off and try to figure out what I can cram in(there is never enough time) to my allotted time. I said that I am usually off on Wednesday and I could take them Tues/Wed or Wed/Thurs whichever worked out best. It was determined that I would have them Wed/Thurs and I put in my request. Simple? Surely you jest.
A couple of weeks ago, I get an email from MMM (Micro-Managing Mary) telling me that she has arranged for the middle grandchild to take tennis lessons during the week that WE have the kids and would it be OK if she came to pick up MG for her lessons on Wednesday and Thursday and that the Columbia Symphony was putting on a program called “The Color of Music” where they were playing Classical Music while showing Contemporary Art by Children. I should tell you that my daughter had already told me about this program and I considered it for about 3 seconds because #1 It sounded like something that given the choice of this or poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick-i would pick the stick and #2 I had already made plans to take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner and I didn’t want to scramble from one activity to the other and I didn’t want to go to the damn symphony. As politely as possible I responded by email that the tennis lesson thing would be ok if it was arranged before noon because there were things I wanted to do with the kids and I only had two days with them. In her email she had suggested that they could take the kids to the symphony and they could stay with us another night and I explained to her politely that I worked full time and this was the time I had requested off. I didn’t hear anything from MMM until my daughter told me that while they were at MMM’s family reunion, MMM had asked my daughter to relay to me that nothing would change, and she was sorry if she offended me. I explained (actually unnecessarily because my daughter knows me well) that I wasn’t offended-I was plain old pissed off. I am of the belief that when you have the grandkids YOU have them and when I have them I have them. PERIOD.
So now is when it starts getting good. So I am at work last week. That’s right work-the place that pays me to work for them, when in comes MMM. Now I am applying makeup to a guest and telling her about the product that she is going to BUY-which BTW is what my JOB is. MMM, tells my guest, excuse me but I just need to talk to her for a minute, and tells me that you can go ahead and work while WE talk. Ummmm, I get paid to talk to the GUEST wheile I am showing the product they are supposed to buy. But I am in a place where everyone things I am Suzy Fucking Sunshine and I just grit my teeth and hope it looks like a smile and say, “What can I do for you?”
MMM launches into a dialogue about how MG’s tennis lesson is scheduled for 1-2pm and would it be OK if she came by and picked her up and brought her back about 2:15-2:30? I WANTED to tell her to go fuck herself-but of course I couldn’t and the most frustrating part is she fucking KNEW I couldn’t. I did some quick thinking and said, “Well, you aren’t even supposed to bring them to me until Wednesday, so just bring them after the lesson.” And she said, “Oh good!-are you sure that’s alright (me thinking, “No you fucking cow, it’s not alright but I don’t have much of a choice now do I?”) then she continued with, “And then I can pick her up on Thursday at the same….and here I had to cut her off and say, “That isn’t going to work for me, that will be in the middle of the day and we won’t be able to do anything and it won’t hurt her to miss one day.” She bobs her head up and down and says something that I can’t even remember because I was trying to keep my head from exploding.
Nothing new until yesterday when I get a text asking me “Do you plan on transporting the kids around the city? If so then you might need the van which we traded our car with when he dropped the kiddos off” and then a bunch of shit about if so let me know so I can tell R where to pick me up, blah, blah,fucking blah. I replied (nicely) that I was borrowing an SUV from a friend and had the transportation angle covered but thank you anyway. Translation “It is actually none of your fucking business what I plan on doing with the kids while I have them and I will be “transporting” them on my BROOM.
This morning: “MG tennis lesson has been moved up to 12:00-1:00 so can we drop them off at 1:15-1:30?” I reply, “Perfect!’ So I am making plans to take them to twin lakes to go swimming-which is what the plan has been all along-but now we can go earlier.
So try not to act too surprised when I get a message at 1:51 : “Tennis wore MG out, so we’re stopping for a bite to eat-be there in a bit.” So as I sit here and wonder why in THE fuck I used one of my vacation days so I could sit here and fucking WAIT they finally arrive at 3:00. Yes, 3:00. Awesome. The kids come in. They really don’t want to go swimming-they went swimming all last week and they have been going from one thing to another ever since-they are sitting in the bedroom playing with Barbies and that is fine. I’m just going to hang. I told them that we were going to Chuck E Cheese and that went over well-but they aren’t hungry right now because they just ate lunch. And quite honestly, I’m done with the whole “sharing time between grandparents thing” I’m supposed to have the girls for a few days in August and I Am NOT coordinating this visit with MMM.