This post was started early in the spring and I’m sure I fully intended to come back to it sooner than several months down the way. In any case here it is. My thoughts. At the time. I have spent 2 very long full days in Rolla in the past two weeks. My Dad is having more health issues and the more I learn the angrier I get. I have had a lot of time to bite my tongue and sometimes I don’t even bother to do that. But this morning as I was in the savasana part of my yoga practice, I had time to reflect. Reflect on how much I need yoga as it really does keep me from killing stupid shits everywhere. Today as I was concentrating on my breathing (BIIIIIG long deep breath in and then hold it and then really expel the breath, until you draw your stomach in as far as you can-trying to touch your spine with your stomach), I make a promise to myself, to really appreciate the life I have lived. And am living to this day. But I know that if I died today-I have lived a very full, basically happy life and I hope I have made a positive impact on most of the people I have touched.
As I watch my Dad just lay there in a hospital bed and get pissed off at everyone around him because they want him to, Oh, I don’t know-breathe for himself and stop counting on a machine to do it for him. I think about the lack of his life’s quality for the past 10-15 years. He and my mother can make all of the excuses they want, but you have to WANT to make your life better and Fucking LIVE your life! Not sit in a chair and let my mother wait on you hand and foot. If nothing else-go out and sit in the sunshine and enjoy the sun on your face.
When I first moved back to Rolla, one of my greatest pleasures was driving down to the Little Piney River and sitting on the riverbank and listening to the water and all of the quiet sounds around me. When it was the phase in my life when I lived in Newburg-I would walk down there and just enjoy the crunch of the gravel under my feet on the way. God knows I was too poor to do anything else-I may as well enjoy what was available.