So I have had a super weird upside down last two weeks and am in the 2nd cycle of a 10 day yoga immersion where I am trying to get in touch with “myself” and sometimes I’m not a huge fan….
Going into this session, I am recovering from not only a fall on the deck-but a major bout of the “depression’ part of what used to be referred to as “manic depression”. It is now called being bi-polar, which imho doesn’t describe it nearly as well. I THRIVE on the manic part of this (lets call it an) infliction. But the depression part is a nasty bitch and you never know when she will hit or how long she will stay. This go ’round has been particularly brutal. I don’t think that even after 24 years that Michael understands it, but bless his heart has been there to pick me up when I fall and stays steady even though I know he wants to bolt and run. And I have my extended family of my cousin Leisa (who knows me sometimes too well…) and her Mom. Both of them totally get the whole bipolar thing-they deal with it all the time. Pretty sure its a gift handed down through the generations-you know like skin tags and keratosis pilaris ……..
But let me start this out with a positive.
Today was just as much fun as I had anticipated……..
I was at a family get together that was very awkward.
Dad sat in the truck the entire time because he could not get out of the truck and he shakes so bad now that neither of his hands are still–it is so sad that it is creepy-because of course we all have to pretend that his hands aren’t shaking. He looks awful-but that is relative because everyone looked awful.
When we first got there we walked up to the truck and said Hi to Dad and asked him if he wanted to get out for a while and he told me “No. Why would I want to go sit on a hard picnic bench? This is for the grandkids so go see the grandkids.’ I said Ok…(what the fuck ever.)…. I walked into the pavilion where Mother (who had her hair in a pony tail-no bun!!-What the WHAT?) started introducing me to everyone. “No, do you remember Kyle? (WTF was Kyle doing there?) This is his wife Monique (who promptly turned her back on me and walked away after saying something like, yeah-she cut my hair once-which btw, I have never cut her hair-but I think I would LIKE to…..) And now, this is Jayden , Ronnie and Dee’s little girl and this is Landon and …. I said, “For the love of God Mother-I know all of these people-I’m RELATED to them….”
Darren and Dallas were as usual-super nice. I met Amanda (Dallas’ baby momma) and Vera and she is ADORABLE! Darren had Dani Lee’s boys. All of the kids spoke to me-but my older brother made a point of being rude to me. I was trying to be nice, ( I know, I know-for most people it comes naturally and I have to try…..) and I asked him about a Taco Place (Taco Johns) we used to eat at all the time when we lived in Iowa and he just looked at the table and told me that he didn’t remember and it must have been someone else….fucker. Pam was talking to Darren and she said-Of course he remembers-we ate there almost every night. I had to block Kyle from FB years ago because he is a dick, so he just smirked at me and said, “Hello”
Darren had Az and Ari at the park so I told Michael I was going to walk over there did he want to come with me? He said he would sit there and I told him I would be right back. I walked back with Darren and Dallas and Amanda and the kids back to the pavillion, where I see Michael standing out talking to Dad in the truck. He said that Donny and Pam and Ronnie and Kyle and Monique all formed a little huddle and starting talking so he thought he would just talk to dad since he was in the truck by himself anyway.
Dad kept him entertained of stories of growing up on a cattle ranch in AZ complete with cowboys and cougars (pretty sure it was about 85% fabricated-but super entertaining!)
Anyway after about another 20 minutes of Mother trying to tell me who everyone is (Now-you remember Dallas-this is one of Darren boys) “Mother-it’s me-remember me-I am R-E-L-A-T-E-D” Oh-Have you ever met Anthony? This is Dee’s…”Mother! Anthony used to play in the floor of my Salon when he was THREE-I probably knew him before you did!” I told her that it was time we had her tested-because she had finally gone over the edge. After another oh I don’t know 5 minutes of sitting there while everyone sat with their back to me-I told Mom-well, I think we are going to head on home and said she said, “Ok-thanks for stopping by”…..I walked out to tell Darren and Dallas and the kids goodbye and then went to the truck to get Michael and tell Dad goodbye and everyone at the “Douchebag table” waved and said, “Bye!” That translates to “Ok-go away-so we can talk about you…..”
At one point Ronnie was telling a story about Paul Smith (used to be the Mayor of Newburg or Doolittle or something and he and his first wife lived across “E” Hwy from us when we were kids) and Ronnie said, “Yeah-he puts up a great front , like he a super nice guy and he a creepy old perv-and Karma is getting ready to catch up to him-You know there is such a thing as Karma…..” Isn’t it ironic-don’t ‘cha think????
That was about the time I decided it was time to go…..NEVER AGAIN.